Shortly after I sent my letter to higher-ups about the rape apology abounding in Eta Phi, I received this response from Justin Mertz, CC’d to other Setnor faculty:

Sammy,

First, I wish I was hearing from you under different circumstances.  Thank you very much for bringing this unfortunate and terrible situation to my attention.

The tweets you saw are disgraceful and abhorrent to say the least.  The ideas expressed by the @skullguy1992 account have no place in the SUMB, Kappa Kappa Psi, or SU.  In fact, several years ago I added comprehensive language to the SUMB’s handbook and syllabus outlining our unequivocal and vehement opposition to this kind of conduct in any form.

 

I received your email shortly it was sent tonight at about 8:00pm.  I immediately logged onto twitter and looked up the @skullguy1992 account (I didn’t know it existed until your message), read the tweets, and found myself as shocked as you were.  At 8:15pm I contacted the president of the chapter to find out more about this twitter account.  I learned that this twitter account is not an official twitter account of the chapter, but rather, a few brothers took it upon themselves to create and use it for purposes unknown.  Nothing about this twitter account is sanctioned by the band program, the chapter, or the University, and the president (who has only been in office for a week) was just as shocked and angry as I was when he learned of what was said.  I immediately requested that at the account be deleted.  At 8:33pm I was notified that it no longer exists, and searches for it reflect this.  While it cannot unsay what was said, the original source of the tweets is gone.

None of this is to excuse or condone the behavior at the Senior Celebration event, but to let you know that you can be assured that I will be addressing this juvenile and unacceptable behavior with the chapter and discipline the individuals involved as is necessary and appropriate.  This will not be whitewashed or dismissed as “boys being boys”.

I am so, so sorry about this, and I apologize on behalf of the SUMB, Kappa Kappa Psi, and SU for what you rightly describe as disgusting.  While I cannot undo this, you have my word that I have been and will always remain vigilant to ensure that such sentiments are not seen as acceptable by anyone associated with the SUMB.  These are drunken antics of a few immature individuals and do not reflect my values, the values of the SUMB, Kappa Kappa Psi, and SU, and they have no place in any program for which I am responsible or with which I am associated.

Please, feel free to call me if you would like to discuss this further.  Aside from this I hope you are well and, again, I wish we were speaking under different circumstances.

Justin

…And I know that nobody wants to see themselves as “rape apologists” but I want to challenge you to see yourself that way. Fraternity brothers in privileged bodies contributing to a culture that is not willing to take rape seriously. That’s exactly what you are. If you want to make real change within your chapter, you should start with not defending yourself – you are a part of this culture, because you are not standing up to fight it. Yet. Ask yourselves if you actually don’t want to contribute to this culture – and then learn how to do that. Start by listening to and working with people who have been doing this forever.

Hi Sammy,

I wholeheartedly understand that you have the right to your own opinion, but I would like to ask you to not speak on behalf of the Eta Alpha chapter of Tau Beta Sigma. In your letter, you stated that you are a sister of Eta Phi’s sister chapter, and as of right now, legally, you are an alumni, not an active sister.

With all due respect, you have not been a member of the joint chapter in two years and do not know most of the people that are currently active in both Eta Alpha and Eta Phi. The people in the two chapters are very different from the way they were when you were an active sister two years ago.

As stated before, I am not saying that you cannot have your own opinion on the matter, because you have every right to, but I am politely asking that you do not associate your opinions with connections to our chapter. If you feel it is necessary, please label yourself as an alumni of the Eta Alpha chapter.

Thank you,

Ashley Orifice

Tau Beta Sigma- Eta Alpha
President

When I was at Syracuse, I put up with a lot of garbage from the brothers of the Eta Phi Chapter of Kappa Kappa Psi. A lot of disrespect. The person I am now would never stand for that; now I have the tools to respond, react, and understand why they have the audacity to act that way. Part of it is because they never face any consequences.

Today, I sent this letter to the National President of Kappa Kappa Psi fraternity, the Director of Bands at Syracuse University, and the Chancellor of Syracuse University. If you want to report their triggering and misogynistic twitter account for spam, please do. I’m not linking to it due to triggering content.

(more…)

To Speaker of the NYS Assembly, Sheldon Silver:

People make mistakes – we all make mistakes. We can’t expect to know everything; we can’t expect our elected officials to know everything about every issue.

But when someone gets called out for being racist (or sexist, or homophobic, or transphobic, or anti-Semitic!) it is that person’s job, as a decent human being, to take a step back and think. Dressing in blackface has a long complicated history that I don’t need to enlighten you about. Assemblymember Hikind did something with “pure intention” that had a racist result. The effect didn’t match the cause – this sometimes happens. Yes, an assemblyman dressing in blackface is despicable and racist and probably warrants some action on your part. But what me more was Hikind’s refusal to accept any wrongdoing.

When someone gets called out, it’s important to step back and think about the effects of your actions. The intention can sometimes be important too – but pure intention doesn’t always equate to pure consequence. Someone got hurt, someone got offended – that is Hikind’s fault, and that’s the part that he doesn’t grasp. It’s not about black people learning about Jewish culture; black people know about the racist history that blackface has. It’s not about Hikind not having “a prejudiced bone in his body;” clearly some people feel that he did something prejudiced, and it’s his job to own up to that – not tell them they must be mistaken and they just don’t understand what he meant. And it doesn’t matter that his intentions are pure. It Doesn’t Matter. He did something racist and is refusing to respect the people that were kind enough to let him know.

We need politicians that can own up to their mistakes, and can be willing to learn. It worries me that the assemblymember refuses to take responsibility and admit that what he did had racist consequences. It’s good that he feels he isn’t racist, and therefore could never accidentally do something racist – but he’s wrong. Good people do bad and stupid things sometimes. And that has to be OK; what matters is how you learn and grow after someone alerts you to your folly. And that’s where Assemblyman Hikind has failed.

Samantha Lifson
New York State Resident

Write to Speaker Silver here.

#feelings

1. Old Table – War is Garbage in the Human Heart
2. Neko Case – Set Out Running
3. Old Table – Each is Good in his own House (Robert Pollard cover)
4. Steve Yankou – Parasite (NOATS cover)
5. Steater-Kinney – I Wanna be Your Joey Ramone
6. Sleater-Kinney – Good Things
7. Fun. – We Are Young
8. Carly Rae Jepsen – Call Me Maybe
9. Defiance, Ohio – You Are Loved
10. Evil Sword – Digging a Hole
11. Kimya Dawson – Game Shows Touch our Lives (The Mountain Goats cover)
12. Robyn – Call Your Girlfriend
13. The Drinkers Themselves – I Will Go Anywhere

Download here.

The last song segues nicely into the new Drinkers album, which is clearly the album of the year.

I’ve been doing this for 6 years, which is a long time.

2007. 2008. 2009. 2010. 2011.

This will be my 4th year in a row accompanying Planned Parenthood Hudson Peconic to Family Planning Advocates’ Annual Day of Action. Every year, it’s incredibly moving and gratifying. And every year I am full of #feelings about it afterward.

My first year lobbying in Albany, I got huge blisters on both my feet from my hip new heels. I was angry at myself for not wearing more comfortable shoes, but I was also angry at the patriarchy! Why should I have to dress fancy in order to be heard on capital hill? Why did I feel the need to femme-it-up for a day of feminist activism? I felt sour about the efficacy of non-profits and confused what radical change might really look like. But I also felt good about meeting legislators and talking to them about the importance of the Reproductive Health Act – because in reality, those folks make the decisions that impact us. Sometimes theory intersects with practice and it doesn’t always line up.

A lot of my activism is grassroots. You all know by now that I helped organize SlutWalkNYC. I’m involved with a relatively militant activist coalition called Feminist Resistance. We are invested in antiracist work, and we are trying to work closely with sex workers and trans groups to enact real radical change in our world. My friends and I sometimes scoff at the “non-profit industrial complex” and the compromises that it seems to breed. “N.O.W.” tends to be the butt of a joke – a caricature of what feminism should be, an old-fashioned second-wave organization that isn’t seeing what the reality actually is for marginalized folks.

But at the same time, the Annual Day of Action reminds me that laws matter. That, in fact, the most marginalized communities are the most vulnerable to these laws, and in need of better laws. Encouraging lawmakers to maintain family planning funding isn’t kowtowing to the corporate feminist world – it will drastically make the lives of poor people better, and make healthcare more accessible to everyone. It’s worth a shot.

I don’t know. If you’ve never lobbied before, you should consider coming with me this year on January 14th. Maybe it will change your mind about politicians. Maybe it won’t. But I always leave feeling like I’ve made a difference, on some level. It feels a lot like direct action – you get to talk to people, face to face, and convince them to support the things that you support. It’s an experience. And anyway, it can’t hurt.

(full disclosure: I’ve attended the Day of Action for 3 years as a volunteer, and this year I’m staff!)

OK team, time to write a blog post about ME.

As a non-fat person in a privileged body, I’m going through something and I want to talk about ME. You can talk about YOU on your own blog. Or on your twitter feed!

I’ve talked about my own privilege a bit before. I’ve come a long way since this post. I know that I’m in no position to talk about…anything. I know that other people live different lives and have different oppressions and live in different worlds, in many ways. That’s why I’m talking about my own world. Because I live in it.

My world is full of fatphobia and body-policing. My world tells me that I’m not good enough – I’m not tall enough, I’m not thin enough, I’m not smooth enough. I deal with it every day – magazines, tv shows, movies, pretty much every mainstream image includes someone who looks “better” than I do, aesthetically. The thin ideal is unavoidable. I have a hunch that I’m not the only one who feels this way.

I also want to talk about health. Because in my heart of hearts, I know that biological and bodily health is pretty distinct from beauty and those aesthetic ideals. We’re taught that it’s not, right? We’re taught that fat=unhealthy. And maybe sometimes the two things are related, like when your mental health manifests itself in your physical well-being. But I know that fat people can be healthy, and thin people can have serious health problems. Thin people get sick and die, just like fat people. Biology is real and health problems are real, and often separate from the aesthetic of the thin ideal.

The thing is, I think for women, or at least for me, there is often no line between those “health” reasons for losing weight and those “aesthetic” reasons. That’s why I’m so hesitant to go to the gym; because I’m afraid that in the back of my mind, I’ll want to lose weight to LOOK different (read: better). That I’ll feel healthy for being active, but secretly look in the mirror and hope to be skinnier, too. This is why I didn’t fast on Yom Kippur – because I feel like fasting is too similar to something else; I fear that I’d subconsciously feel good about starving myself. I know myself, and I know that I’m at risk for that dangerous behavior. Yes, even though I’m not overweight. Yes, even though I’ve never had a diagnosed eating disorder.

I want to live my life far from those thoughts and risks. That’s why when I hear people at work counting calories, or talking about their “lean cuisine” lunches or how those cookies are sooooo bad, I just don’t. I either tune it out, which is hard, or I say something innocuous and vaguely resistive, like “oh, those cookies are delicious.” That’s one of my favorites. Cookies are so delicious.

I’m having a hard time. Because I live here, in this thin ideal. I am here in this obsessively fatphobic culture that tells me I’m never good enough. I feel it even though I’m not fat. I know that I don’t feel it like other people do. I also know that I feel it, loud and clear. It’s self-care for me to reject all body-policing, to resist all fat-shaming and fatphobia.

I’m learning. I don’t want to be someone who doesn’t step back when I get called out. I got called out today. Maybe sometimes what I categorize as resistance doesn’t look like resistance to other people. I easily conflate everything about weight loss – the aesthetics and the health aspects. I can’t sort them out. And I think I didn’t realize that other people have sorted it out better than me. The body acceptance movement, as a facet of my feminism, has helped me so much and allowed me to love my body more than I ever thought I could (and don’t worry, I don’t love it all yet). I think today I made a mistake – I forgot that these theories don’t work the same for everyone. Especially people who live in different worlds than me. I want everyone to love their bodies and not want to lose weight for the “wrong reasons” but I forgot that I don’t know anyone’s reasons or anyone’s bodies or anyone’s problems.

My feminism hinges on one thing: Trust Women. That also means deciding for myself what’s right for me. For me, it means rejecting weight-loss, almost without exception, as my own route to body acceptance and self-love. For me, it means eating cookies without fear and without shame. But I forgot that my feminism isn’t everyone’s feminism – and that’s the whole point. Some people make decisions that I don’t make or wouldn’t make or can’t understand. And also, that almost all my decisions come from a place of privilege. I have a privileged body, and I’m sorry that I forgot myself today.

Almost 5 years ago, I received a sticker in the mail that read “Pro-Choice, Pro-Obama” from NARAL pro-choice New York. I was 17 or 18, ready to vote Democrat in my very first presidential election, and proud to display this for the world on my vehicle.

It made so much sense to me. It was that simple, that straightforward – If you are pro-choice, YOU ARE pro-Obama. Some of my friends were voting Nader, and I wouldn’t have it. Obama was our man – we believed in Obama! Hope! Change we can believe in! Soaring rhetoric! And at the time, he was the most liberal guy around, and I was feeling it. I thought that window decal was pretty radical, and if someone honked at me or gave me a dirty look on the road it sometimes occurred to me that they were anti-feminist pro-lifers or Republicans.

I voted (via absentee from college), I celebrated on the Syracuse quad when he won (a moment that I will never forget, and one of my most moving experiences of my life), and I even went to the inauguration (slightly more stressful).

These days, the connection isn’t that simple for me. I’m afraid I don’t believe in our government like I did at 18. Obama did a lot of awesome things, but he also didn’t. A lot has changed, and so much hasn’t. I’m not an expert, I can’t really quote statistics; I admit that. But four years later, I’m much more critical of the two-party system, and I’m reluctant to put all my eggs in one Democratic basket.

I’ve grown a lot more radical the past few months. A lot more anti-capitalist, a lot more anti-racist and sex-positive. And a lot more unapologetic about it. I’ve also become sort of connected to a socialist feminist presidential campaign. I live in New York and I have the opportunity (privilege?) to write-in a protest vote without really being worried about where my state is headed in November. And the Durham-López platform includes a lot of things I agree with, and very few that I don’t. I feel pretty cool about voting for candidates who are unabashedly Feminist. It’s not as simple for me as “pro-choice, pro-obama” was 4 years ago. It’s not as simple as the Unite Against the War on Women march (or any other mainstream pro-choice rally) where the takeaway was “Now go home and VOTE! For Democrats!” As Betty Maloney put it at our panel last week, “The Democrats are half the problem.” As far as the wars, the deportations, gay marriage (ahem), abstinence-only education funding, the war on drugs, corporate backing and funding, etc etc. “The lesser of two evils” is the option we’re given. The only option. And if you’re under 18, you get no options at all. It’s defeatist to think that This is the only say we’ve got. I want radical change, I want revolution. I want something more than the lesser of two evils.

The other day, in a moment of strength, I peeled off that window decal.

The problem now is that I’ve got nothing to replace it with. If my grandpa (who bought me this car 6 years ago) saw that I was proudly supporting socialists, I’d have a problem. I’m sure that old leftist sticker was about as radical as he figured I could be.

I participated in a teach-in last week at the City-wide GA in Central Park about the Roots of Racial Oppression – based on this awesome class that I’m taking. Here are my notes – I wrote them and I like them.

Questions that I was focusing on:
• How can we work to end racism?
• Intersection of race, sex, gender, sexuality and class
• How feminists and queers of color are the living connections between struggles and movements and “put it all together.”
• How the leadership of feminists and queers of color is crucial to all the social justice movements.
• Power of working across racial divides – in the workplace and in the movements, like Occupy.
• The importance of white activists in actively fighting racism.

So now we know a little bit more about racism, how it started, and why it’s been so cyclical and pervasive. And I think we can see that there is a pretty strong correlation (or is it causation?!) between racism and classism – they support each other, and work hand in hand to further oppress already-marginalized people. The white working class relies on racism to give them an edge, consciously or not – and institutionally they are encouraged to. And then classism couples with racism to cause more struggles to already marginalized communities.

And it doesn’t end there. All these identities are wrapped up and intersectional – they feed off one another, they bounce off one another, they are messy and inextricable – some people call it the matrix of oppression. Intersectionality is the idea that these oppressions can’t be separated – we all inhabit many identities at once. Some of us can be privileged in one way, and oppressed in another. Some of us have more compound privileges or oppressions. Very few people inhabit every single oppressed class or every single privileged class. Intersectionalism recognizes difference and encourages activists to deal with it – not put it aside and assume that we are all in it together, fighting the same fight against all oppression – it’s not that simple. Even by saying we are all the 99% erases some vast differences between the different struggles we all live with and live under.

But we have to become more aware of these differences, talk about them, learn about each other, recognize privilege and respect oppression, on all fronts. And it’s not about “the oppression olympics” either – we can all learn to be better activists, of LGBT allies, or antiracist allies, or trans allies. And we all have to live under the same racism, classist, sexist system. It oppresses all of us together – but often in very different ways. Recognizing and respecting that enables us to organize more fruitfully, more understanding, more broadly.

It means that the most marginalized people don’t get left behind – we don’t want to take the revolution step by step, we don’t want anyone to be left waiting for their turn. We are tired of putting some fights on the back burner to make room for the more palatable, more broad-based fights. Because when the most marginalized get left behind, it cheapens all of our activism. If we aren’t sticking up for the “bottom rung” as some say, we’re not doing enough. The master’s tools, man. If we are going to be progressive activists, we have to go all the way.

That’s why queers and feminists of color need to be leading the revolution. Their voices need to be heard the loudest, because they are the ones who most often get left behind and told to wait their turn in the revolution. And the most marginalized are the people that understand oppression more than I can – I had to work hard to learn about racism – I still am. I had to take an antiracist class to learn more about this stuff, for christ’s sake. The most oppressed people live with their oppression every minute of every day, so clearly, they know how best to fight it.

And I recognize the irony of me and Dan standing up here and talking about all this – we are pretty privileged people. We’re white, we’re straight, we’re cisgendered, we’re from fucking westchester, for crying out loud. But that’s important too – It’s just as important for white allies to stand up for race issues and speak out against injustice. It’s important to use your privilege to incite change in your own communities, and call out bullshit when you see it. And then, better yet, bring those more oppressed groups to the front, and let them explain it, because they’re better at it. And you’ve already had your turn. Your whole life. And with that, let me turn it back to Emily, my queer woman of color friend, to wrap it up.

So, it’s time to normalize online dating. It’s that time. I’ve been on OkCupid for a while now, ok? Sometimes for fun, sometimes for reassurance that real people exist, sometimes for no reason at all. Recently, it’s been to meet people in real life. But that’s not what this post is about (it’s going fine, thankyouverymuch).

My profile is really clearly feminist, without digging too deep (the fourth word is “feminist,” for example). I feel like most of the people who message me are decent – because the photo of my hairy armpits serves to filter out lots of guys, you know? But sometimes something else happens.

I get a message – a chat message – from someone who is really upfront. About sex. It happens often enough to constitute a phenomenon. Someone says “hey cutie ”  and the conversation almost immediately turns to sex. When I last had it, how it was, how often I have it, how I like to have it.

The thing is! I’m really open about sex. I’m not sure if these men read my profile and get that sense or not, but I really don’t mind talking about my sex life. But usually, uhh with people I know. Or people who I’ve spoken about other things first with? Talking about sex is really important to talk about if you might be having sex with someone, right? But it’s not that important to talk about with strangers who won’t stop telling me how hot I am.

I figure that these are mostly men who are just horny, and are looking for some jack-off material before bed. And maybe sometimes that’s not repulsive to me. But they are strangers. The other day, this happened to me (It’s something that happens to me), and I played along for a few exchanges. Then I tried to ask him about something else – where he grew up, what he’s interested in, what he does for a living. Those questions. He was being really cute and nice! But when I tried to change the topic away from sex, it…didn’t work. He was aching for me to turn him on. A stranger. Via the internet. It became off-putting.

So I got serious — I told him that we should talk about something else. I told him he was making me uncomfortable. I told him I was quickly losing interest in meeting him. He couldn’t understand why, so I explained, pretty clearly: “If all you want to talk about is sex, how do I know you respect me as a person, not just a sex object, if we were ever to meet?” He understood, maybe. He said that we could talk about anything after he asked me more about the intimate details of my personal life. I said No. I asked if I wasn’t being clear. He told me I was “being a tease.” I told him that was absolutely not what I was doing. The conversation ended when I said that his refusal to listen to me or hear what I was saying, pretty clearly, made him someone I’d never be with. Which is absolutely the truth.

Does this happen to lots of women? Does it happen to lots of “women like me?” Does it happen to men? Something tells me this is gendered, but it might just be Me. I’m sure there are some women who love this type of exchange, and that makes a lot of sense to me — but I’m not one of those women. I can even imagine that some women are on the other side of a conversation like this, trying to rub one out before bed. But it’s never a conversation I’ve even considered started. Ever. Because it’s creepy.

Women’s Reproductive Health seems like it’s in trouble, eh? I can’t even do a pithy few sentences summing up all the attacks on my basic rights the past few months. You’ve heard about this stuff, right?

I’m here to remind everyone that the world sucks, and it’s not getting better. Yay!!! And that when you’re fighting for the things you believe in, don’t forget about the other stuff you believe in. When you’re fighting off the most heinous attacks and just trying to stay afloat in a sea of WHAT THE FUCK, don’t forget about the more straightforward and basic stuff we are all still fighting for. Dust yourself off. Take a deep breath. And then keep on fucking fighting forever.

• When feminists say “wait, none of anybody’s tax dollars go toward covering contraception in the new bill” they need to end their sentences with “And so what if it did?” No federal tax dollars go toward abortions, but we have to get that overturned. How are we going to do that if we’re constantly saying “wait it’s not that bad!” Federal funding for medically important and life-saving things shouldn’t be the worst outcome – it should be expected.

• And when Susan G Komen pulls their money from cancer screenings provided by Planned Parenthood, we have to point out that PP saves lives, that 97% of what they do isn’t abortions, that politics and bullshit shouldn’t get in the way of healthcare – and then we have to say “Oh also! Abortions save lives too! And we’re still fighting for that!” And yeah, PP is pro-choice because abortions are still important goddammit.

• And when there is talk everywhere about transvaginal ultrasounds, we have to point that it could be perceived as state-mandated rape, and that it’s fucking outrageous to mandate a medically unnecessary procedure just to make sure women “know what they’re doing.” (TRUST WOMEN TRUST WOMEN). And then we have to say “OH AND mandating ANY ultrasounds is completely offensive and misguided too! And we’re working on overturning those limits to abortion everywhere too!” Don’t spring those nice, regular, non-penetrative ultrasounds on us after we say FUCK NO to those extra-terrible ultrasounds. That’s not it.

• And when Rush Limbaugh calls a woman a slut, on the assumption that she was taking birth control for all the wild and crazy sex she was having, I don’t want to sign a petition saying “Women who use birth control aren’t sluts!” Fuck that. When we say “Hey Rush, Sandra Fluke was really testifying about birth control when needed for health purposes, not because of all the crazy sex she is having…” We have to end it with “BUT SOME OF US ARE having that crazy sex, and some of us are sluts, and we want birth control too! Because preventing pregnancy is ALSO a good reason for using birth control (FOR FUCK’S SAKE!).

I’m just tired, and it never ends. Prepare for battle though, because we’re not going away either. BAM! Be well, feminist friends, take care of yourselves.